Top Ten Things To Remember When Divorcing With Kids
At Schuster Family Law, LLC, we strongly advocate for our clients as parties to a divorce case, but we never forget that our clients are parents, too. When making legal decisions, we encourage our clients to consider how the divorce is affecting their kids. All of us at Schuster Family Law, LLC believe that children benefit from minimized conflict during a divorce and have found some helpful ways to accomplish this during a divorce.
Here are the ten most common things we discuss with our clients as they navigate the divorce process with kids:
10) Children thrive when they have a relationship with both parents – this means both parents should have the opportunity to influence their children’s development. Continued contact with both parents during and after a divorce helps kids successfully adjust to a divorced family.
9) Be honest with your kids about your family’s transition – without sharing details of the parental conflict. Keep the information at an age appropriate level, but answer their questions as truthfully as possible. This will help alleviate their anxiety about upcoming changes.
8) Do not have conversations about court proceedings or legal matters with kids. While it is important to talk with them about family transitions, court cases and legal disputes are not appropriate subjects for children.
7) When deciding on a placement (or visitation) schedule for your kids, try to identify a schedule that is best for their ages and activities – don’t approach the schedule as competition for “more time.”
6) Avoid speaking negatively about your co-parent (or their new partner) in front of your children. Many kids intuitively identify with both parents and may feel they, themselves, are being criticized when they hear one parent disapprove of the other parent.
5) Do not plan activities, vacations, or major events with your children until you have discussed your plans with your co-parent. Otherwise, the kids may wind up in the middle of your disagreement.
4) Side-step petty financial disputes during legal proceedings; these often end up costing more in legal fees than they are worth. Remember your kids’ financial future – you can both probably agree that investing in your kids’ education, for example, is a worthwhile and mutual goal.
3) I recommend that all my clients seek assistance from a therapist or support group to help them weather this difficult transition. Divorce is an extremely stressful life change and working with a professional counselor can alleviate the pressure.
2) Do your best to avoid social media during your divorce. This is a chaotic time for your family. Social media can easily add to that upheaval by bringing in too many outside opinions and distractions.
1) Finally, tell your kids that they are loved by their whole family as often as possible – think of this as an opportunity to teach your kids that love can help get them through difficult times.